Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
