I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
