I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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