Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
