I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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