4 words: hood of his car
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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