Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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