And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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