plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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