Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
