john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
