its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
