I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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