She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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