Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
