I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
