i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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