it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
