Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
