i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
