I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
