jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
