I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
