When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
