Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
