I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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