she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
