there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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