her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
