I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
