Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
