I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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