she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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