I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
