Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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