I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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