All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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