So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
