Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
True strength comes from lack of pants
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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