mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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