haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
