Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
