they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
