Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
