After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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