the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
