OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
