if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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