Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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