The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
