jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
