She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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