On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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